Warrior Madness
by Ravenwing101
Summary: This is the REAL story of Rusty's life. He went into the forest, risking his life for one major thing...cupcakes...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1- Oh crap, I just wasted my life**

Rusty went up to Smudge, "Who are you?"

"IVE BEEN LIVING NEXT TO YOU FOR A YEAR AND YOU STILL DONT KNOW ME!?" Smudge asked.

"Do you know where I can find some cupcakes?" Rusty asked.

"IN CANDYLAND! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW!?" Smudge yelled.

"CANDYLAND!? Where's that?"

"Down a manhole," Smudge growled.

"I've seen a manhole! In the forest!" Rusty said.

_**Thats why Rusty went into the forest.**_

"OH MY CAT GOD! ITS A GIANT GORILLA!" Rusty screamed.

"Hey!" Graypaw roared.

"I didn't know Gorilla's talked cat. HEEELLLLOOOOO, MY NAAAAAAMEEE IS RUUUUUUUSTIE!"

"I'm a cat! A warrior cat!" Graypaw said.

"Maybe when cats fly."

JUST THEN... DOVEWING GOT IN A CATAPULT AND SHOT HERSELF UP.

"Huh, I guess cats can fly." Rusty said, seeing Dovewing fly.

"What are you doing the ThunderClan territory?!" Graypaw asked.

"I'm searching for cupcakes!"

"What's a cupcake?"

Rusty gasped in horror, "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT A CUPCAKE IS!? IM SO SORRY!"

To be continued...

_**Well that was 15 minutes of my life I'll never get back**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2- Why Rusty joined ThunderClan**

"OMG!" Rusty screamed, "CUPCAKESSSSS!"

Rusty ran towards a stack of frosting.

"ITS CHOCOLATE TOO!" Rusty sang.

"That's fox dung..." Graypaw said.

"BLAHHHHH!" Rusty threw up, "I don't know what's worse. The fact I ate it or the fact I liked it."

"GRAYPAW!" A voice roared.

"ITS THE MONSTER!" Graypaw hid behind Rusty.

"Hey! I heard that!" Bluestar said, "WHY ARE YOU WITH SUCH A FATTY!?"

"HEY! IM ONLY LIKE 70 POUNDS!" Rusty said.

"Sorry, Bluefart, I didn't mean to hangout with kittypets." Graypaw apologized.

"LIAR!" Bluestar said.

"FINE IM 100 POUNDS!" Rusty confessed.

"Not what I meant. Anyway, join the clan and save the forest."

"Do I get cupcakes?" Rusty asked.

"No." Bluestar said, disappointing. "All work, no pain."

"That's so unfair!" Rusty said.

"There's a hot medicine cat." Bluestar said.

"ILL DO IT!"

"Seriously?" Graypaw asked.

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3- What Rusty's job really is**

"OMG, SO UR HOT!" Rusty said to Spottedleaf.

"Uhh thanks?" Spottedleaf said.

"Rusty!" Bluestar said, "To join the clan, you must defeat longtail."

"But he is twice my size! And he has been training forever while I have been eating and sleeping forever!" Rusty argued.

"Honestly, just do it." Graypaw said, "After you get beat up, uh... I mean win, Spottedleaf will see you as a champion!"

"You're right, FOR THE SPOTTEDLEAF! AND BECAUSE BLUESTAR WILL KILL ME IF I DONT!" Rusty said.

The ginger kittypet slammed into Longtail, knocking himself out. Longtail face palmed.

"That actually went better than I thought." Bluestar said.

"So I'm a warrior now?" Rusty asked.

"Nah I think you will be a dung sweeper." Bluestar said.

"WHAT!" Rusty said.

"I, Bluestar, call upon my died warrior ghosts to look upon this... this fatty. Rusty, will you protect the clan of dung even if it costs your life?"

"NO WAY!"

"Then I dub you, Firepoop" Bluestar said.

"THATS HORRIBLE!" Firepoop said.

"At least your name and your fighting skill are alike, they're both horrible!" Graypaw taunted.

"I hate you." Firepoop said.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4- Like a boss!**

Graypaw gave a tour of the clan to Firepoop.

"This is the apprentice den." Graypaw said.

"Cool, where do we sleep?" Firepoop asked.

"Here." Graypaw said

"In a cave!?"

"It gets better over time." Graypaw said, "Try a nest next to me."

Firepoop sat on a nest. "OW WHAT IS THIS THING MADE OUT OF!? NAILS!?"

"I made that one!" Graypaw snapped.

"WERE YOU TRYING TO KILL MY BACK!?"

"Try this." Graypaw put down a piece of fresh kill.

"Oh a mouse!" Firepoop said.

"AND I DIDNT PUT ANYTHING POSION IN IT." Graypaw lied badly.

"Om om om om. Yum!" Firepoop said.

"How are you not dead?" Graypaw asked.

"It's not as bad as what humans feed you. Are those cat food or poop pebbles?" Firepoop recalled.

Then a ginger apprentice came in. Sandpaw, "Ew, you let a kittypet in here?"

"His fighting isn't as bad as yours!" Graypaw defended.

"That's no way to talk to a lady!" Sandpaw argued.

"YOURE A GIRL?" Firepoop asked her.

Sandpaw smacked Firepoop in the face and walked away.

"Let me show you the other dens." Graypaw suggested, "There's the elders den, that's the nursery den and that's the warriors den."

"Hey kittypet!" Longtail, WHO HAS A SILVER PELT NOT A YELLOW PELT, came walking up to them. "Want to go home yet?"

"He is a better warrior than you!" Graypaw defended.

"Stop hiding behind this kittypet and let's fight, like really men!" Longtail challenged Graypaw.

"YOURE A GUY!?" Firepoop asked Longtail.

Longtail smacked Firepoop and left.

"Hey Foxpaw!" Graypaw called.

"DONT FART ON ME AGAIN!" Foxpaw said.

Graypaw farted, "Firepoop, meet Foxpaw."

"Greetings Earthling." Foxpaw said.

"HOTE HOTE HOTE HOTA, YIPIIE YIPIIE YIPIEE YA!" Firepoop said.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Graypaw asked.

"I'm speaking fox, I learned from 'what did the fox say' WOPA WOPA WOPA WOOOOPA!" Firepoop said.

"He isn't a real fox, he just has the same fur as one." Graypaw said.

"Oh..." Firepoop said.

"And what you said was very rude!" Foxpaw said.

Foxpaw slapped Firepoop and walked away.

"Ow, my face hurts from all the slapping." Firepoop moaned.

"Let's go to the medicine cat, maybe she'll make you feel better." Graypaw suggested.

Suddenly... There was a yowl coming from the leader's den...


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5- Mystery**

Firepoop and Graypaw rushed towards the den.

"What happened?" Graypaw asked.

"He's dead..." Ravenpaw muttered.

"Who?" Bluestar asked.

"MY X BOX!" Ravenpaw cried.

Bluestar facepalmed.

"Oh no!" Firepoop meowed out of sympathy.

"I found claw marks on the wire, it was murder!" Ravenpaw said.

Everyone looked at Tigerclaw.

"I didn't do it!" Tigerclaw spat.

"Back at my home, there was a mystery as well." Firepoop said, "It was a robbery. Late at night, the cookies were stolen."

Bluestar sighed, "Can't we be normal for once?"

"What happened, Firepoop?" Graypaw asked curiously.

"Well I became Detective Rusty! And I figured out the robber!" Firepoop said.

"Who?" Ravenpaw asked.

"Me." Firepoop said, "I usually eat late at night."

Graypaw and Ravenpaw face palmed.

"The lesson of this story is that I am an awesome detective and I can figure this mystery out." Firepoop said.

Firepoop then became Detective Fire.

"Tell me everything you know, Ravenpaw." Detective Fire said.

"Well it was yesterday when I was playing it all night. I can't get over how awesome minecraft is. Then I rested for a hour and found out that my X box was broken!" Ravenpaw said.

"Where were you?" Graypaw asked.

"Playing next to the high rock." Ravenpaw said.

"Anyone near you?" Detective Fire asked.

"Just me... But I did see a cat wander around just before I slept." Ravenpaw added.

"What color pelt?" Graypaw asked.

"It was midnight so I couldn't see well. Brown? Or was it purple?" Ravenpaw recalled. "That's all I remember."

"Assistant Gray, let's go to the crime scene." Detective Fire said.

"Why am I the assistant?" Assistant Gray asked.

"Because I look good in a mystery solving coat." Detective Fire said.

* * *

><p>Detective Fire took his magnifying glass and looked closely at the X box.<p>

"Hey Tigerclaw, where were you last night?" Detective Fire asked.

"Sleeping." He said.

"Really?" Assistant Gray asked suspiciously.

"Yes really!" He said, louder, "Are you calling me a liar?"

"Yes!" Assistant Gray said.

Tigerclaw punched Assistant Gray in the face and left.

"I think Tigerclaw did it, after all, Tigerclaw wanted Ravenpaw to train instead of play. That gives a good reason for the X box crime." Detective Fire said.

"Let's find the other brown pelted cats here." Assistant Gray suggested.

The detective crew went to the cranky Mousefur.

"Where were you yesterday at night?" Detective Fire asked.

"In my den, where else." Mousefur sassed.

"LIAR!" Detective Fire roared.

Mousefur punched Detective Fire in the face.

"Think Assistant Gray, who could have seen the culprit?" Detective Fire asked.

"Hmmm... well Bluestar might know, she has cameras all around the camp ." Assistant Gray said.

"Oh yeah, she wanted to watch for trespassers." Detective Fire recalled.

The Detective crew went to Bluestar.

"Hey Blue Banana." Detective Fire greeted.

"Don't call me that. What do you want." Bluestar asked.

"We want to use your camera." Detective Fire said.

"No." Bluestar said.

"Too late." Assistant Gray took the camera and ran.

"This is why you guys aren't warriors yet..." Bluestar muttered.

"Now, to finally see who was the X Box murderer!" Detective Fire said.

Assistant Gray started the camera. They saw Ravenpaw playing his X Box.

"He is really bad at Call Of Duty." Detective Fire commented.

"Ah ha, I see someone in the background." Assistant Gray pointed out.

"It's... Me?" Detective Fire asked.

"WHAT!" Assistant Gray said, confused.

"I remember, I sleep walk." Detective Fire said, "I also like to cover myself in chocolate and destroy stuff."

Assistant Gray facepalmed, "You're an idiot."

"I know..." Detective Fire said. "Wanna cover yourself in pudding?"

"HECK YEAH!" Assistant Gray said.

Together, the Detective Crew covered theirselves in awesome food. But Ravenpaw was sad forever.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6- Forbidden love**

"Spottedleaf, will you marry me?" Firepoop asked.

"Um, Firepoop." Spottedleaf said, "Medicine cats can't love and I'm like... way older than you..."

"Oh... NOOOOOOOO!" Firepoop cried.

"I also don't like guys who play with Barbie dolls." Spottedleaf said.

"Their Barbie action-figures!" Firepoop corrected, "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to cry into my pillow."

* * *

><p>"WAHHHH!" Firepoop cried, "WHY DOESNT ANYONE LOVE ME?"<p>

"I love you!" Cinderkit confessed.

"Oh, I meant why doesn't any _girl_ love me." He corrected himself.

"I'm a girl!" Cinderkit said.

"YOU ARE!?" Firepoop asked.

Cinderkit started to cry into her pillow, "WHY DOESNT ANY CAT LOVE ME!?"

And the cycle of random loves begin.

"Hey Firepoop!" Graypaw said, "I just met the most beautiful girl on earth! Besides Taylor Swift."

"Who?" Firepoop asked.

"Silverstream!" Graypaw said.

"Who?" Firepoop asked.

"Silverstream, the girl who talked to you every gathering." Graypaw said.

"OH!" Firepoop said.

"You remember her?" Graypaw asked.

"Nope." Firepoop said.

Graypaw facepalmed, "Anyway, how do i get her to like me?"

"It's easy, get some rose and use a cheesy pick up line." Firepoop said.

"You've been watching way too much romance movies." Graypaw said.

"Shut up! I love the fault in our stars!" Firepoop said.

"Whatever, I guess if using cheesy pick up lines works in the movies, it will work in real life!" Graypaw said.

The gray apprentice took some flowers and ran straight for RiverClan.

"SILVERSTREAM!" Graypaw called.

"What?" Silverstream asked.

"You know what's on the MENU? It's Me-N-U." Graypaw said.

"Really? Because on RiverClan's menu, it's just fish." Silverstream said.

"Do you have a band-aid? Cuz I scrap my leg when I fell for you." Graypaw said.

"You scrapped your leg? Ill go get some medicine!" Silverstream said.

"Perhaps I shouldn't have took Firepoop's advice on flirting." Graypaw said.

Me- "Agreed."

* * *

><p>Graypaw went to Bluestar.<p>

"Bluestar, I need to ask you a question about love." Graypaw said.

"Oh, go ahead." Bluestar said.

"How do I get a girl to like me?" Graypaw asked.

"Just tell her you like her." Bluestar said, "Say what you really feel inside."

"Just tell her how I feel?" Graypaw asked, "Man, you're bad at love."

Bluestar kicked Graypaw out of her den.

Graypaw stuck his tongue out, "Whatever!"

"Graypaw!" Silverstream called.

"What?" Graypaw asked.

"I have your kit." Silverstream said.

"MY KIT?" Graypaw exclaimed.

"Yeah, your first-aid kit." Silverstream said.

**Did anyone understand that last pun? Kit as in kitten and and first-aid kit...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7- 5+5= how the flip should I know?**

"Help! A patrol of RiverClan cats attacked us!" Ravenpaw exclaimed.

"What? Why?" Bluestar asked.

"Oakheart and Tigerclaw got onto a fight because Oakheart called him a poop." Ravenpaw explained.

Tigerclaw then came into the clan with Redtail the deputy who was dead. The clan gasped in horror when they saw Redtail's motionless body.

"No, Redtail!" Bluestar exclaimed.

"Oakheart the fart killed Redtail but I got revenge and killed that fart!" Tigerclaw explained.

"Pffft, liar." Ravenpaw muttered.

"WHAT DID U SAY?" Tigerclaw yelled.

"NOTHING SIR!" Ravenpaw said.

"Redtail was a brave deputy, when people tried to eat more than the limit of cupcakes, he would stop them like a true hero. We will miss him dearly." Bluestar said.

Ravenpaw went over to Firepoop and whispered, "Tigerclaw killed him."

"Really?" Firepoop exclaimed.

"Bluestar won't believe me when I told her that though." Ravenpaw said.

"Why not?" Firepoop asked.

"I might have told her lies about how her eyes were on fire..." Ravenpaw admitted.

"I hope Tigerclaw gets caught as a murderer. That guy stole my mood ring! I don't know how to feel about that..." Firepoop muttered.

"We have to make Bluestar believe us about Tigerclaw being a murderer!" Ravenpaw said.

"Bluestar trusts him though, we have to get more proof."

Before the two cats could continue their conversation, Bluestar called for a clan meeting.

"Since Redtail died, the next deputy will be...*drumroll* Tigerclaw!" Bluestar annouced.

ThunderClan gasped.

"Me? Really?" Tigerclaw exclaimed.

"Lol just kidding." Bluestar trolled. "It's actually Lionheart."

"BOOOOO!" Tigerclaw growled.

"WAIT? IM DEPUTY?" Lionheart exclaimed. "YES, IN YOUR FACE MOM!"

Tigerclaw glared at Lionheart. "Fudge..."

"Oh btw, Firepoop, I'm your mentor." Bluestar said.

"NOOOOO, WHY?" Firepoop exclaimed.

* * *

><p>Firepaw and Graypaw went for a walk.<p>

"I have to give a message to the patrol near WindClan. I'll see you later." Graypaw said.

"Ok, wait. Is this another excuse to leave so you can play ponies with Ravenpaw?" Firepoop asked.

"Ugh, maybe..." Graypaw said as he ran away.

Firepoop continued walking then saw another cat near him.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" Firepoop asked, fiercely.

The cat rolled her eyes. "I'm a stupid kittypet who is searching for candy." She said scarcastly.

"OMG SAME!" Firepoop said.

The cat pounced onto him, claws unsheathed. "Die!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8- the dress is black n blue, science proved it**

"Die!" The gray stranger said as she lunged onto Firepoop.

"Rude!" Firepoop said as he was clawed. "I'll always win the fight because I have the POWER OF KATNISS EVERDEEN!"

"Da fudge?"

Firepoop randomly caught on fire. "IM THE CAT ON FIRE!" Firepoop shot an arrow with his bow which randomly came out of nowhere.

The arrow slammed into the stranger and pushed her to the ground.

"Ok, ok! I surrender!" She rasped.

"Whats a ShadowClan warrior like you doing here?" Firepoop asked.

"I'm not a warrior, I'm a medicine cat. And I'm not apart of ShadowClan anymore." The stranger explained.

"Whats your name?" He asked.

"Yellowfang."

"That explains why your teeth are UGLY!" He said. "You should use toothpaste. Your eyes must be bad because your old, how many toes am I holding up?"

"Wednesday." She responded.

"What?" Firepoop said. "Do you know how to bake a cake?"

"Wtf...? Sure?" Yellowfang said scarcastly.

"Yay, I want cake. Why don't you join ThunderClan?" Firepoop asked.

"Why?"

"Cuz I said so!" Firepoop said as he took Yellowfang to ThunderClan WITH DA POWER OF KATNISS EVERDEEN!

* * *

><p>"What is a ShadowClan medicine cat doing here?" Bluestar asked.<p>

"She injured her leg and she's starving, so I brought her here for cake!" Firepoop said.

"You also ate prey during a patrol?" Bluestar asked, furious. "I can't believe you broke the warrior code!"

Firepoop stuck his tongue out, "I was hungry, and Graypaw wouldn't let me eat him!"

"You can get Graypaw after the elders and kits eat!" Bluestar said.

Then Tigerclaw came out of nowhere.

"AH! ITS FREDDY FRAZBEAR!" Firepoop said as he saw Tigerclaw.

"Are we going to kill the ShadowClan cat?" Tigerclaw asked Bluestar.

"No, I'll make her prisoner and make her clean up all the furballs here." Bluestar said evily. "Yellowfang, you are now Yellowfurball."

"WHAT NO!" Yellowfurball exclaimed.

The cats went back to camp.

"You're a kittypet?" Yellowfurball asked.

"I use to be." Firepoop said.

"I can't believe I got beaten by a kittypet! How pathetic." Yellowfurball said.

"At least i brush my teeth! Your teeth looks like corn!" Firepoop said.

"Wtf is corn." Yellowfurball asked.

"Your teeth!" Firepoop said, making no sense.

Firepoop started playing music.

"WERE GOING ON A SHIP, IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET SHIP!" Firepoop sang.

"UGHISDBUIVRBISVB! STOP SINGING, IT SOUNDS HORRIBLE!" Yellowfurball said. "What kind of lame instrument are you even playing?"

"You can say, I'm playing PURR-cussion!" Firepoop said.

Yellowfurball facepawed.


	9. Chapter 9

Im really sorry guys, I accidently posted my other story onto this chapter!

-facepalm myself-

and this is the SECOND time that this has happened

-facepalm twice-


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10- Brokensh**, I mean Brokenstar**

"WERE GOING TO THE GATHERING SO EVERYONE GET THEIR BUTT-FACES OVER HERE." Bluestar exclaimed.

"YAY WE GET TO GO TO THE GATHERING!" Firepoop cheered.

ThunderClan followed their leader to the gatherings. WindClan was missing, DUN DUN DUN!

"Before we start this, I would like to announce something." Brokenstar said.

The leaders listened closely.

"GIVE ALL YOUR EASTER CHOCOLATE TO ME OR DIE!" Brokenstar demanded.

"NO WAY!" Bluestar disagreed. "I RATHER DIE THEN SHARE!"

"I don't like chocolate so here you go." Crookedstar said.

"ITS NOT EVEN EASTER ANYMORE!" Firepoop said.

"GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE OR ILL FORCE YOU TO LEAVE!" Brokenstar said.

"ROCK PAPER SCISSORS ME FIRST!" Bluestar demanded.

Brokenstar chose rock while Bluestar chose gun.

"WHAT! THERE'S NO GUN IN ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!" Brokenstar said.

"TOO BAD I GOT YO CHOCOLATE!" Bluestar said as she stole his chocolate. "QUICK! THUNDERCLAN RUN!"

ThunderClan ran away.

"Can i have some chocolate?" Tigerheart asked Bluestar.

"NO!" Bluestar yelled.

"FINE!" Tigerheart exclaimed, this is the REAl reason why Tigerheart hated Bluestar.

"if you dont share the chocolate then what are we suppose to eat instead?" Firepoop asked. "Im too lazy to hunt."

"Just go eat something. The forest is loaded with food." Bluestar said.

Firepoop looked around for something to eat. He then saw something juicy and fat."

"WTF? STOP EATING ME!" Brokenstar demanded Firepoop.

"Why are you here, Brokenstar?" Bluestar asked.

"TO TAKE MY CHOCOLATE BACK DUH! AND i came to warn everyone about a dangerous rogue roaming around." Brokenstar asked.

"A rogue?" Bluestar asked as she thought of Yellowfurball AKA Yellowfang.

Tigerheart appeared out of nowhere cuz he felt like it, "Its must be Yellowfang!"

"Oh go lick a fuzzy worm, Tigerheart!" Firepoop snapped, "It cant be her!"

"Well im going to attack her and steal her candy, I MEAN TALK TO HER KINDLY!" Tigerheart said as he ran towards the dens.

**_Oh no! They are going to hurt Yellowfurball_**! Firepoop thought. **_I have to help her before Tigerhideous attacks her_**!

Firepoop teleports randomly to Yellowfurball (dont ask how, even i dont know)

"YELLOWFUNGUS! YOU HAVE TO RUN, BLUESTAR IS GOING TO KICK YOU OUT!" Firepoop said.

"Bluestar isnt going to do that, I trust her. She is a loyal, responsible, totally not crazy cat." Yellowfurball said.

"Did Bluestar pay you to say that?" Firepoop asked.

"Yeah." Yellowfurball answered.

"ATTACK!" Tigerheart and Darkstripe exclaimed.

The two ThunderClan toms attacked Yellowfurball. DUN DUN DUN

**To be continued... Hi people, this chapter is again was late. I had to take time off for the big ELA and math SAT. But after the math SAT, i'll be ready to write!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11- Rats, only have 1% battery left, I hope I don't-buzz**

"ATTACK!" Tigerclaw and Darkstripe screamed as they attacked Yellowfurball.

"STAHP!" Bluestar demanded, "You can't kill her! She still owes me money!"

"Grrrr." Tigerhippee growled.

"I need go to the moonstone, Firepoop, Graypaw, Tigerclaw and Ravenpaw, come with me." Bluestar ordered.

"Why me!?" Firepoop asked, "Im literally starving now ! I haven't eaten in 24 whole minutes!"

"Im picking ya cuz that's what the dang book says!" Bluestar said as she dragged them to the moonstone.

After a very boring moonstone later...

The cats padded out of the moonstone place thing and saw Barley.

"Hey guys!" Barley greeted.

"What do _you_ want?!" Tigerclaw asked.

"Your mom's son ;3" Barley said winking.

"...Bluestar lets go." Tigerclaw said, weirded out.

"Be careful not to go that path, go the other one, it's safer." Barley said, getting close to Tigerclaw.

Tigerclaw moves away, "Get away from me, loner!"

"YOU WANT TO FIGHT, LOSER?!" Barley challenged.

"YEAH LETS GO!" Tigerclaw said, unsheathing his claws.

Barley leaped next to him and gave Tigerclaw a kiss.

"EWWWW!" Tigerclaw fainted in battle.

"Winner goes to Barley!" Firepoop the announcer said.

"Seriously, go the other way." Barley said. "Too many loose dogs over here."

Bluestar nodded and went the way Barley said.

"Wake up, Tigerclaw!" Firepoop said as they padded.

"Hes out cold, it might be moons before he wakes up." Ravenpaw said.

"I've got meat!" Firepoop said.

"WHERE?!" Tigerclaw asked, waking up.

"In my belly." Firepoop said.

"I hate you." Tigerclaw said.

"YOU RAT!" Bluestar said.

"Hey, that's mean! Im not a rat!" Ravenpaw said, "Im more of a mouse."

"Not you!" Bluestar said as she pointed to a group of rats about to attack them.

"An ambush! That Barley was tricking us by telling us to go here!" Tigerclaw assumed.

Two rats attacked Graypaw and Bluestar. Tigerclaw kills a few and Firepoop eats one.

"Don't eat that! The rat might be poisonous!" Ravenpaw warned him.

"But it tastes like Tigerclaw." Firepoop said.

"How do you know what I taste like?" Tigerclaw asked.

"..." Firepoop went silent.

"You were the one who ate my fur?!" Tigerclaw asked as he showed a furless spot on his leg.

"BLUESTAR LETS GO!" Firepoop demanded as he ran back to camp.

"That guy has some REAL problems." Tigerclaw said, "And _I_ would know."

"As long as he doesn't pee on anyone again, he's fine." Bluestar said as she killed another rat.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12- I forgot to do my math homework, well, I guess Im going to die today**

"GIVE ME BACK MY NUTELLA!"

"NEVER! I RATHER DIE!"

Two cats fought.

"Firepoop! Wake up!" Graypaw demanded.

"THE NUTELLA IS MINE YOU STANKY SKUNK!" Firepoop yelled as he woke up from his nightmare.

"I don't even want to know what you were dreaming of." Tigerclaw said.

"Let's just get back to the clan." Bluestar said.

Firepoop, Graypaw, Ravenpaw, Tigerclaw adn Bluestar padded back to the clan when they heard...

"OMFG!" Firepoop yells

"What?!" Bluestar asked, alert.

"THE CLAN WAS ATTACKED BY SHADOWCLAN!" Tigerclaw answered.

"No, I was gonna say that I left the oven on." Firepoop said as the clan burned down.

"Wait, ShadowClan attacked us?!" Bluestar asked.

"Blackfoot tried stealing the kits but I stopped him, but I couldn't save Rosetail and Lionheart." Yellowfurball explained.

"OMFG!" Firepoop exclaimed, "DID BERRYTAIL MAKE IT?"

"Who's that? An important cat in the clan?!" Yellowfurball asked, worried.

"No! She is my stuffed bear, DUH!" Firepoop said, obviously.

"Wait, Lionheart is dead?" Bluestar asked, sadly.

"Lionheart was brave and strong." Firepoop said, "We will always remembere him, he was my favorite."

"WAIT I WASNT YOUR FAVORTIE!?" Graypaw exclaimed.

Firepoop died that day.

(But he revived cuz he's the main character so...)

"Hey guys, can we talk?" Ravenpaw asked.

"We already are." Firepoop said.

"I think Tigerclaw is behind Redtail's death." Ravenpaw said.

"WHAT!?" Tigerclaw exclaimed.

Tigerclaw "over heard" their conversation.

"UGH I MEANT, TIGERCLAW IS BEHIND REDTAIL'S DONUT!" Ravenpaw said.

"Hmm..." said Tigerclaw, still suspicious, "Well that true."

Tigerclaw farted on Firepoop can left.

"EVERYONE GET THEIR FURRY CABOOS OVER HERE!" Bluestar said.

"What!?" Firepoop asked, "I was just about to eat Graypaw- oh I mean train! Yes, train!"

"I was just gonna say Tigerclaw was gonna be deputy, AND NOT BECAUSE HE BRIDED ME WITH FREE BACKPACKS!" Bluestar swore.

"Bluestar, I think Darkstripe and Longtail should...ugh... "guard" you." Tigerclaw said.

"By guard do you mean, stand by me while I poop." Bluestar said.

"90% percent of attacks happen while you poop." Tigerclaw said.

"Since when is that a fact?!" Bluestar asked.

"Since I got attacked yesterday!" Tigerclaw said.

"Sorry." Firepoop said.

"Whatever, I need to do something really important now." Bluestar said.

"YOU BETTER NOT SNEAK OUT AND POOP WITHOUT ME!" Tigerclaw said.

"I wasn't going to poop, you mounstruo de la escalera!" Bluestar said, "Yellowfang, why don't you join us as a member of ThunderClan instead of a prisoner?"

"WHAT! NO!" Tigerclaw disagreed. "I FORBID YOU BLUESTAR TO LET HER JOIN!"

"YOU WHAT!?" Bluestar exclaimed.

"Oh, you shouldn't have said that, Tigerclaw." Firepoop warned.

Tigerclaw died that day.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13- Wait, you're saying there was homework yesterday? NOOOOOO**

(If you guys are wondering, im using "into the wild cliffnotes" on the warrior wiki so you guys can follow along as well on chapter 18 of the real book)

"There must've been a traitor in the clan who helped ShadowClan attack us." Tigerclaw said.

"Who said YOU'RE not the traitor?!" Firepoop asked, suspicious.

Tigerclaw punched Firepoop, "Shut up and help me rebuild ThunderClan."

"Who said I'M the one who needs to do that?!" Firepoop asked.

"ShadowClan destroyed this place and I'm not going to let you do nothing about it!" Tigerclaw said.

"Who said I'M not the one who's going to let me do nothing about it!?" Firepoop asked.

Tigerclaw facepawed at Firepoop's stupidity.

"Whatever, I'm going to flirt with Spottedleaf now." Firepoop said.

"There's no way I'm rebuilding camp alone." Tigerclaw said, "I could ask someone else to help instead of you but I wont cuz I'm evil."

Firepoop sighed, "I need to get poppyseeds for Graypaw though."

"Why?" Tigerclaw asked. "What's wrong with him? Besides the obvious reasons."

"Graypaw needs poppyseeds because..." Firepoop paused, "He ate bad cereal?"

"Where would Graypaw get cereal in the first place!?" Tigerclaw asked.

"Haven't you heard of the saying, cereal grows on trees like money and textbooks? That's why I hate trees." Firepoop explained.

Tigerclaw sighed, "Just go!"

"Fine, buttface." Firepoop said.

"My butt is NOT a face!" Tigerclaw roared.

* * *

><p>"Hey Firepoop, what can I do for you?" Spottedleaf asked, nicely.<p>

"MARRY ME!" Firepoop exclaimed.

"I'm married to my job." Spottedleaf said.

"DARN JOBS RUIN EVERYTHING!" Firepoop yelled.

"FIREPOOP!" Bluestar called as she padded into the medicine cat den.

"WHAT!? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M FLIRTING?!" Firepoop yelled back.

"I'm going to teach you some battle moves since you can't fight." Bluestar explained.

"I can fight!" Firepoop disagreed.

"Even Ravenpaw fights better than you, AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETING!" Bluestar said.

* * *

><p>"Ok first, crouch down and stay quiet." Bluestar said, "That's a good position for hunting."<p>

"Who said I'M not the position for hunting!?" Firepoop asked.

"Shut up." Bluestar retorted, "Ok catch that squirrel over there."

"WHERE?!" Firepoop screamed.

"SHUT UP!" Bluestar snapped, "You scared it away with your loud voice!"

"WHAT LOUD VOICE!?" Firepoop screeched.

"SHHHH! There's another one over there, catch it." Bluestar told him.

Firepoop looked around and spotted the squirrel near a tree. He slowly padded towards it and lunged. His weight crushed it and killed it.

"Good job, you caught fresh-kill." Bluestar said, "But you also crushed it and got blood on your fur. F-"

Firepoop slowly walked away in shame.

"Hey Firepoop, did you tell Bluestar about the Redtail and Tigeclaw incident?" Ravenpaw asked.

"Yep! Then Bluestar and I drank WAFFLÉS and ate water!" Firepoop said.

"You forgot to tell her, didn't you." Ravenpaw said.

"Yeah..." Firepoop admitted.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14- We've got a BIG problem in our hands, that guy ate the last cookie! Someone get the pepper spray!**

"Firepoop, have you seen Ravenpaw?" Graypaw asked.

"He's probably trying to eat glue again." Firepoop said, "I keep telling him it's not milk."

"What if Tigerclaw did something to Ravenpaw?" Graypaw asked, worried.

"Tigerclaw's way too busy with Bluestar." Firepoop said, "He is trying to convince her to let her bodyguards watch her fart."

"Firepoop! Graypaw!" Ravenpaw called.

"Ravenpaw! You're back." Firepoop said.

"Yeah, Tigerclaw told me to hunt in ShadowClan territory (Tigerclaw actually did in the real book lol)." Ravenpaw explained.

"It sounds like Tigerclaw wants to get rid of you." Firepoop said.

"That makes sense since I am the only one alive who knows that Tigerclaw killed Redtail at the Sunningrocks and blamed it on Oakheart." Ravenpaw said.

"How do you know that?" Graypaw asked.

"I have laser eye vision!" Ravenpaw bragged.

"You were there and you saw what happened." Firepoop answered.

"Yeah..." Ravenpaw admitted.

"AHHHHH!" A voice screamed.

"Oh no! Someone is being attacked in the nursery!" Firepoop said.

"Or Brindleface is giving birth to her second litter of kittens." Graypaw pointed out.

"Pfft, my attack makes more sense." Firepoop said. "Ima go to Bluestar's den."

"Why?" Ravenpaw asked.

"Idk, that's what the book says." Firepoop said as he teleported to her den. "BLUESTAR!"

"Oh god, not you again." Bluestar growled, "What do you want."

"I want to be a warrior already!" Firepoop said.

"Wait until the darn book says so!" Bluestar said.

"Why don't we just...not follow the book?" Firepoop suggested.

Firepoop died that day.

"I only have two lives left, not four. And there's no way I'm wasting my lives with an idiot like you." Bluestar said to his corpse.

Firepoop revived.

"DANGIT!" Bluestar yelled.

"SOMEONE HELP, MY KITS ARE MISSING!" Frostfur said.

Everyone came outside, "WHAT?!

"Where did they go?"

"What if they are hurt?"

"I really need a donut."

"Shut up, Firepoop." Tigerclaw said.

"OH NO, SPOTTEDLEAF!" Firepoop screeched as he found Spottedleaf dead on the floor.

"Someone get help!" Graypaw said.

"Wheres Yellowfang?" Firepoop asked.

"Wait, what if Yellowfang killed Spottedleaf and took the kits?" Tigerclaw asked.

"Nah, she's way too ugly." Firepoop said.

"True." Bluestar said.

Just then, a random storm came in!

"Darn StarClan just wants us to fail don't they?" Firepoop asked as he saw the storm, "StarClan is stupid!"

A lightning bolt hit Firepoop.

"IM SORRY, I MEANT I LOVE STARCLAN!" Firepoop said.

An ice cream floated down to Firepoop.

"I want ice cream!" Graypaw said, "I love StarClan!"

A lightning bolt hit Tigerclaw.

"OW!" Tigerclaw said, "WHY ME!?"

"You're really annoying." StarClan said.

"Firepoop, I need you to go looking for Yellowfang." Bluestar told Firepoop.

"Why me?" Firepoop asked, "Is it because you finally learned to trust me as a warrior not as a dung sweeper?"

"No, it's because there's no way _I'm_ going out in a storm for her!" Bluestar snapped.

"Fine, I'll go. But im taking Grayfart and Ravenpoopypants with me!" Firepoop said.

"What!?" Ravenpaw asked "Why am I Ravenpoopypants?!"

"Bluestar, you can't let them go out into a storm!" Tigerclaw said. "If Ravenpaw dies, I should be the reason why he dies!"

"HEY!" Ravenpoopypants said angrily.

"Just leave before I throw up!" Bluestar said, "All this horrifying stuff is making me sick!"

"You heard her, Graypaw, leave before you make her throw up!" Firepoop said.

"Bluestar meant the loss of Frostfur's kits and Spottedleaf's death!" Graypaw snapped at Firepoop.

* * *

><p>"Hey guys, can you do me a really important favor?" Ravenpaw asked as the three apprentices padded into the storm.<p>

"What kind of favor?" Graypaw asked.

"Yeah, and we better get cake out of it!" Firepoop said.

"I need you to tell Tigerclaw that I am dead, im going to live as a loner." Ravenpaw said.

"A loner!?" Firepoop asked, "You must be really stupid."

"Mean!" Ravenpaw said, "Im doing this because of Tigerclaw!"

"Well if you're going to leave, you should go live with Barley at the farm." Firepoop said.

"Already, but you must promise to tell Tigerclaw im dead." Ravenpaw said.

"Ok, I'll tell him you died because a cat attacked you." Firepoop said.

"That's unrealistic, tell him something realistic." Ravenpaw said, "Tell him you ate me."

"Yeah, that's more realistic." Firepoop agreed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15- Lol, that guy has the same exactly wallet as me...oh wait**

Graypaw and Firepoop continue to search for Yellowfang.

"I think the rain is starting to stop!" Graypaw said.

"Omg, I found Yellowfang's scent!" Firepoop said. "I know because she smells like birds."

They followed the scents onto ShadowClan.

"We can't go here, it's ShadowClan territory!" Graypaw said.

"What are you talking about, I poop here all the time." Firepoop said.

"Wait, you come to ShadowClan territory, poop there and leave?" Graypaw asked.

"Yeah. Havent you heard the expression, poop at places you hate?" Firepoop asked.

"What kind of expression is that?" Graypaw asked.

Just then, Yellowfang came out of nowhere.

"Firepoop, Graypaw, what are you talking about?" Yellowfang asked.

"Expressions about poop!" Firepoop said.

"..." Yellowfang slowly backed away.

"Yellowfang, the clan thinks you killed Spottedleaf and stole the kits!" Graypaw told her.

"Wait, why?!" Yellowfang asked.

"I told them." Firepoop said.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" Yellowfang asked.

"I was bored." Firepoop answered.

Yellowfang facepalmed.

"Look, there's a lot of problems in ShadowClan right now because of Brokenstar. Im trying to rally support in ShadowClan." Yellowfang explained.

"But I like Brokenstar." Firepoop said.

"What, why?" Yellowfang asked.

"He offered me a wanted a knuckle sandwich." Firepoop said.

"Firepoop, that's a punch." Yellowfang said.

"It's delicious!" Firepoop said.

"Theres a ThunderClan patrol coming!" Graypaw noticed.

Just then, a random ThunderClan patrol came.

"Wait, I thought we were on ShadowClan terri-" Graypaw said.

"-There she is! Yellowfurball!" The patrol cat said.

"It's Yellow**_fang_**!" Yellowfang said.

"She's innocent," Firepoop insisted to the patrol, "She might not be pretty, or easy to look at and her teeth are _ugly_! But she's not the one who killed Spottedleaf and the kits! She cares about ThunderClan and all the cats in it and most importantly, she's my friend!"

Yellowfang shed a tear at his speech, "That's beautiful, I never knew you felt that way about me."

"I didn't, I just said that so I could make fun of your teeth without getting hit." Firepoop said.

Yellowfang hit him.

"Ok, ok, we believe you." The ThunderClan patrol said.

"Wait, you finally believe Yellowfang is innocent?" Firepoop asked.

"Yes." The patrol said.

"Wow, you're gulible." Firepoop said.

Yellowfang hit him again.

Three ShadowClan elders came towards Yellowfang.

"OMFG! RUN!" Firepoop said as he saw the ShadowClan cats.

"It's ok, they aren't going to hurt us." Yellowfang reassured.

"I'm not scared about that! I'm scare about how ugly they are!" Firepoop said, "Are all ShadowClan cats old and ugly?"

Yellowfang killed Firepoop.

"I was thinking about planning an attack on ShadowClan for the ThunderClan kits." Yellowfang said.

"That's great," The ShadowClan elders said, "Especially since Brokenstar is farting on the kits."

"Man, I really like that Brokenstar dude." Firepoop said, dieing from the kill.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16- Last one guys, thanks for the nice reviews**

"Ok guys," Yellowfang said, "We're going to raid ShadowClan now, but we can't just run in like idiots, we have to use stragety and our brains-"

"Screw that!" Firepoop said as he ran in, "ATTACK!"

**ThunderClan attacked ShadowClan**.

**With a spelling bee**!

"Spell the word, awesome." Bluestar said.

"Easy!" Clawface from ShadowClan said, "A-W-E-S-O-M-E."

"Incorrect," Bluestar said.

"What?" Clawsface exclaimed.

"I know this trick," Firepoop said, "Awesome is spelled B-L-U-E-S-T-A-R."

"Correct!" Bluestar agreed a lot.

**ShadowClan lost the match**.

"Yellowfang, I'll kill ya!" Brokenstar hissed.

"First, give me back my dang cupcake you stole!" Yellowfang demanded.

"Never!" Brokenstar said.

"BROKENSTAR KILLED HIS FATHER!" Yellowfang exclaimed.

"SHHHH!" Brokenstar gave her the cupcake.

"Wait, you killed Raggedstar?" Blackfoot asked, "THAT GUY OWED ME $5 YOU JERK!"

Brokenstar got exiled. Nightpelt became Nightstar.

"Yellowfang, thanks for exiling Brokenstar," Nightstar said.

"Arent you mad that I got rid of him?" Yellowfang asked.

"Nah, he kept stealing my cupcakes and farting on me," Nightstar said.

"That Brokenstar dude reminds me of someone I know really well..." Firepoop said. "But idk who,"

Yellowfang facepalmed, "You know what? I think I'll stay in ThunderClan."

"Really?" Bluestar asked, "Isn't ShadowClan your true home though?"

"It is but... ThunderClan accepted me even if I was born in another clan and plus, who could ever leave Firepoop?" Yellowfang said.

"Aw, thanks," Firepoop said.

* * *

><p>"Firepoop, Graypaw, you are now Graystripe and Fireheart," Bluestar said.<p>

"What, are you saying my heart is burnt?" Fireheart asked.

"No, fire represents your fur color and your heart represents your kindness," Bluestar explained.

"So my kind heart is on fire and burnt?!" Fireheart exclaimed.

"No, it's not literal! It's just a name!" Bluestar said.

"My burnt heart is a name too?!" Fireheart asked.

Bluestar facepalmed, "Fine, you'll be Firebrain. The idiot cat whose brain must have been burnt or else he's just that stupid."

"Yay!" Firebrain cheered.

"Wait, Firebrain," Graystripe said, "From chapter 1, you came into the forest for a cupcake right?"

"Yeah," Firebrain said.

"I just noticed you didn't get one, here, take mine," Graystripe said.

Graystripe gave Firebrain a nice cupcake.

"Wow..." Firebrain said, "This is so nice, I think we have been through a lot. We trained, called a bunch of cats idiots, got hit in the face a lot and even fought a battle."

"And now we're finally warriors," Graystripe said.

"Still would've been better if there was more cupcakes though," Firebrain said.

Graystripe hit Firebrain.

"Haha, I'm just joking," Firebrain said.

"Good because that cupcake is filled with poison anyway," Graystripe said.

"At least you didn't brake the warrior code and date a RiverClan cat or something," Bluestar said.

"Well... About that..." Graystripe said.

Bluestar killed Graystripe.

"Oh Graystripe," Firebrain said, "This clan is so wild, and I can't believe I went into it, I guess you can say... I went _into the wild_."

Firebrain died of making too many bad punds.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys, thanks so much for reading. I've finished Into the wild and now...-drumroll- Im making Fire and ice! It's coming out November 1 2015! **

**I'm glad Firepoop finally became a warrior in the last chapter but now his name doesn't really fit him...it should be Fireawesomeness. But I'll probably be too lazy to spell him name every chapter. **

**Anyway, Happy Halloween guys**

**~Ravenwing101**


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